magyar moon

magyar moon

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

OSCAR FASHION BOMBS

Hollywood will subject us to another round of the Oscars at the end of this month. If nothing else, the annual film award extravaganza always provides us with tangible evidence that glamour isn't dead - - it's on a respirator clinging to life.

Yea, I know, we've all seen plenty of the worst-dressed at the Oscars many times in the past. Despite this disheartening fact, I've chosen a few of my favorites - simply to amuse myself....and fill space in this blog.

 Whoever said that pregnancy is beautiful was either myopic or lying. In my humble opinion, Elsa Pataky (2014 Oscars) should have worn a muumuu and stayed home in a closet until after the ninth month. Instead, she stuffed everything into an Elie Saab gown and strutted around the Red Carpet. Am I being ruthless? Hell, yea.


Bjork, 2001
(who the heck is Bjork, anyway?)
This "swan" outfit makes her look like she's draped in the corpse of Anna Pavlova

Anna Nicole Smith, 1996
Holy Shit!!!!
Looks like she's a balloon at the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade 

Cher, 1986
I met Cher when I lived in Hollywood. Trust me, she doesn't look any better in real. After spending half a million bucks on plastic surgery, you'd think she would have gotten boobs.....


Faith Hill, 2002
Death by Pastel
She looks like a party favor at an Easter brunch


Diane Keaton, 2004
Charlie McCarthy has come to life!


Whoopi Goldberg, 2014
Creole Voodoo Mama 
Check out those Wizard of Oz shoes

 Blanca Blanco, 2015
Looks like she had a cat fight with Carmen, and Carmen won



 Sophia Loren, 2009
I've always loved Sophia, but this outfit looks like a cast-off bride's maid dress from a Peruvian rummage sale.....but she still looks great for being 105.

 Meryl Streep, 2015
Can we say "frumpy"?
Maybe it's just the posture - which indicates a hernia or ruptured disc.

 Gwyneth Paltrow, 2002
Believe it or not, there are times when we actually don't want to see tits.

Jane Fonda, 2015
looks like a Lemon Yellow Crayola.
The face lifts have mercifully impeded her speech, but she's still able to walk.
Am I being too harsh? Sorry, but I still can't forgive her for Vietnam....(Hanoi Jane)....

Charlize Theron, 2010
when you don't have boobs, it's best not to emphasize them....

 Geena Davis, 1992
looks like a chorus line reject from the 1953 production of Can-Can

 Helena Bonham Carter, 1987
Depressingly Goth -
 a reasonable facsimile of a Victorian hooker in mourning garb


Gabourey Sidibe, 2014
perhaps a bit too much purple?


 Liza Minnelli, 2014
Blue was always my favorite color - until I saw this.
I met Liza and she's a sweetheart, but she has absolutely no fashion taste.


 Barbara Streisand, 1992
Look who flew in from Endor.....
Where the hell are her feet?


  Susan Sarandon, 1996
 wearing one of Liberace's shower curtains

 Lizzy Gardiner, 1995
American Express card gown
Well, let's give her a few points for Unique

 Sally Kirkland, 2007
Okay, I'm gonna be brutal:
Looks like it was designed by Helen Keller

 .....and the winner for Best Dressed!


I have a LOT more in my Worst Dressed files (it's limitless) but I'll spare you.


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15 comments:

  1. have you ever thought of auditioning for "fashion police"?

    two words - FUG LY!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes - I could easily replace Joan Rivers.

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  3. Not Cher! She wore that outfit because that was the eyar everyone said she'd be nominated for Mask and she wasn't.
    And, onstage to present, she told the audience, "As you can see I read my Academy Handbook on How To Dress As A Serious Actress."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There was always a purposeful style of humor in Cher's outfits and she thoroughly enjoys it. She constantly looks bizarre at the Oscars.

      I'm sure most of these worst-dressed celebrities do it with a tongue-in-cheek attitude. It's all show and fun.

      Delete
  4. I wouldn't mind seeing more of these and reading your comments. I am so out of the loop on current celebrities that I don't recognize most of them. I rarely go to movies so the Oscars are pretty meaningless for me.

    As contrast, do you have any pictures of the Oscars from Hollywood's glamour days? It would be refreshing to see a few class acts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can fully identify with what you're saying. When I lived in Hollywood the Academy Awards - of course - was a MEGA HUGE event and I knew a lot about them.

      After I moved away from Calif. I lost interest in the Oscars. Much like you, I seldom watch current films and know nothing about the "stars" of today. The impact of Hollywood's golden era is completely gone.

      I'll try to find some photos of the glamour days for my next post (can't promise when that will be).

      Delete
  5. I got a kick out of this collection, Jon. Gowns range from upholstery to confections and the wearers are having fun.

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    Replies
    1. It's a deliciously tawdry circus....and I have a good time poking fun at the freaks.

      Delete
  6. My eyes are bleeding!!!
    I can't believe I'm saying this out-loud, but Hanoi Jane looks stunning. What's that saying about putting lipstick on a pig?

    Ditto what Ms. Martyr said. I'd love seeing photos of Oscars during Hollywood's 'real' glamour days!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was admittedly harsh on Hanoi Jane - she has certainly kept in shape for her age. She just struck me as looking like a walking Crayola.

      As I told Martyr (above), I'll try to find some vintage glamour pics for my next post.
      Stay tuned.

      Delete
  7. Oh my God. They are all just AWFUL! Not that I've ever been a fashion plate, but nobody pays me big bucks to "look good," either.

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  8. They spend millions on plastic surgery, but can't buy one decent outfit.....

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