magyar moon

magyar moon

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

WEIRD OLD ADS

Nothing spectacular here, just a bunch of weird old ads.

 Does anybody remember Wate-On? I tried it when I was a pathetically skinny fifteen-year-old nerd. It was this horrible banana-flavored crap that had to be mixed in milk. I thought it would transform me into Burt Lancaster in a week. I consumed this garbage faithfully for over a month - and didn't gain an ounce.

 "A True B.O. Experience"
Jessie was dumped by several prospective fiancees because she had treacherous B.O.

Just the cure for prostatitis -
stick a vibrating machine gun up your ass.


 "So that's why dick has been so cool to me"
Folks, I couldn't make this stuff up.
Let's use an antiseptic-germicide douche...to warm dick up...

 Baby will stop sucking his thumb - 
but will mysteriously find hitchhking a painful experience twenty years later.
(think about that - it will eventually get funny)

 Yea, and a fly in a burrito may mean a lawsuit with Taco Bell.

Raccoons have always been one of America's favorite pets. And favorite food in the Ozarks....
An organ grinder monkey will enhance any household.

 Front zipper and "drop seat"??
The look on this guy's face is not exactly one of undiluted pleasure.

I initially thought that said the "Fagg Bros."
Anyway, it's a very unappealing photo. 

 The inflatable (blow up) bra
...and he'll wonder why you're carrying a pack of straws on your date. He'll also wonder why your 34Ds went flat as a pancake when he hugged you....

My comments are getting annoyingly mundane....but they still make me laugh



A-Bomb decontamination soap
Recommended by the Atomic Energy Commission
Here's a flash: if you're hit by an A-Bomb, the last thing you'll need is soap. 

 Next to the inflatable bra, this is the most essential item to bring on a date.

 Wash away years of age and fat with La-Mar Soap.
Hell, I've done that with Lava Soap.....

  A poor complexion is the least of her problems....


....and also the fact that she couldn't type....


A feminine hygiene problem forced daddy to leave the wife and kiddies.....


......actually, Daddy left the wife and kiddies for this 60-year-old librarian wearing heart-shaped glasses.

 Take Daddy to enjoy a fun weekend with you at a nude resort.
What the hell will Mommy be doing while you're away??


 Fun and profit making lamps out of dead animals.

 

18 comments:

  1. OMB! these are fucking stupid, but the comments are pure snark! there IS a sucker born every minute, so...

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    1. I certainly remember stupid ads from the past, but I hadn't realized how many incredibly BAD ones there really were until I started doing "research". It's almost beyond belief.

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  2. I've not enough adjectives!!!
    You'd think, being as old as Cleopatra, I'd remember at least one or two. Nope, my parents' censoring must have worked.

    In retrospect, owning a raccoon might be fun ...

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    1. If I can catch a racoon around here I'll send it to you. You'll change your mind in 30 seconds...

      Cleopatra, huh? That's funny.
      I don't remember any of the feminine hygiene ads - - I was clueless about such things until I was 40...

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  3. These are great, Jon! One of my favorites is Dila-Therm. Do they sell holsters for those things --or is that just in the "open-carry" states?

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    1. PS: I googled and found "Lew Magram credit card Account online from any device, including your computer, tablet or smartphone". So old Lew is still selling everything from crazy undies to cut-rate prom dresses from NYC, USA. Push and enterprise --makes me want to get out my Dila-Therm and fire off a few rounds in celebration.

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    2. The Dila-Therm looks unnervingly powerful, Geo.

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    3. It's almost inconceivable that anything to do with Lew Magram still exists (I just looked it up, too)

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  4. These are priceless ads. I personally was attracted to the squirrel lamp. When the realtor first took us through this house one of the bedrooms here was a TAXIDERMY nightmare. Weird animals in numerous positions everywhere. That lamp reminds me of it.

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    1. I ALMOST think I remember seeing the squirrel lamp ad (or something similar) when I was a kid.
      It looks okay....but I'm not sure about having a stuffed dead animal so close to a hot light bulb...

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  5. I imagine there were a lot of curious fellas who ordered the Prostatitis Machine Guns for entirely different reasons.

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    1. I wonder how many had to be hospitalized after trying to use it....(*smile*)

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  6. This ,latest,is more or less a definition of my sense of humour.
    Like you I imagine the lucky recipient of each offer.I like the idea of someone reading one of these ads and saying "THAT'S the ANSWER".
    Sorry but I was helpless with laughter.
    I'm now imagining the ad reader "challenged" in more than one area waiting for the postman delivering several of these things at the same time.Perhaps something re feminine hygiene plus a raccoon and the heart shaped glasses.The person unwraps the parcels, tethers the raccoon to a chair leg and muses on how she will make wallflowers of all the other girls at the prom with her prudent purchases.
    Wonderful, do it again and sincere thanks for your e mail XX

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    1. These ads are unintentionally hilarious and I'm so glad you enjoyed them (I will do more in the future).

      I wonder how many people purchased a pet monkey or raccoon and got so frustrated with it that sent for instructions on how to turn it into a lamp.

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  7. OMG! Where do you find these?! On the internet, of course. They have everything on the internet. So bizarre--still chuckling. :)

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  8. It's impossible to pick the worst one, since they are all so bad. I never fail to be amazed at what I can find on the Internet.

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  9. I'm pretty sure I remember the squirrel monkey ad. They used to advertise in the back of comic books and who would be a bigger sucker for one than a young child.

    I wonder if the Lysol for feminine hygiene is the same product used to scrub floors, etc. My loins burn (not in a good way) at the thought.

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  10. Ohmigod, these ads are laugh-out-loud funny. (And that thingamabobby for the prostatitis looks downright painful.) My favorite has to be the blow-up bra, though.

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